My story...the short version

The short story: I have had 10ish miscarriages/pregnancy losses and one rainbow baby.

The long story: well I will give the right space for my stories, so be patient.  

I have had one standard, run of the mill miscarriage, one missed miscarriage and two ectopics. And a handful or more early miscarriages. They span over years. Towards the beginning (only two losses in) is my beautiful rainbow.

Those are my confirmed pregnancies. The ones I talk about. But I know, thanks to hindsight that they weren't my only ones. I know there have been at least four others.

I didn't know that I could be so passionate about a subject. But I am passionate about miscarriage and pregnancy loss. If I could go back to school tomorrow and be a nurse/social worker/counsellor, I would. Don't doubt for a second that it isn't on my mind everyday. But right this second it isn't an option. So I will turn my energies to here.

My experiences with loss are heartbreaking and tragic. They are fraught with bad medical experiences, and see my lowest lows. But I am here today, writing this. Two years ago, after my first ectopic, I was a mess. It was months before I asked for help. Months again before I received it. And now, now I am me again.

Not the me that I was a  two years ago, or ten years ago. Those versions of me are all in the past. But I am here. I am standing on my feet. 

All my experiences have made me who I am.

I will never say I regret my losses. They have made me who I am. And if I can help just one woman get through her loss, I will be satisfied. Normalizing the discussion of loss. Bringing awareness.  That's my goal.

Welcome

If you are reading this, you or someone you love has likely had a pregnancy loss.
I am so sorry for your loss.
I have been, maybe not in your exact shoes, but have stood in a similar place. I have felt the world fall out from underneath those shoes. Heard the words that the Dr or nurse are saying slow down, and almost sound like a foreign language.

The purpose behind this page is to share my experiences, my hopes and my dreams.
See I want to see a world where pregnancy loss is talked about openly, where parents are given the chance to grieve.
Where support is automatically offered. Where medical professionals don't treat miscarriage as common,but as the life altering event that it is.

I hope to share what I have found on the Internet to be comforting, helpful, or at least made me think.

This is a safe place to share and grieve. Please respect where everyone is coming from and give them the space they need to heal.