My story...the short version

The short story: I have had 10ish miscarriages/pregnancy losses and one rainbow baby.

The long story: well I will give the right space for my stories, so be patient.  

I have had one standard, run of the mill miscarriage, one missed miscarriage and two ectopics. And a handful or more early miscarriages. They span over years. Towards the beginning (only two losses in) is my beautiful rainbow.

Those are my confirmed pregnancies. The ones I talk about. But I know, thanks to hindsight that they weren't my only ones. I know there have been at least four others.

I didn't know that I could be so passionate about a subject. But I am passionate about miscarriage and pregnancy loss. If I could go back to school tomorrow and be a nurse/social worker/counsellor, I would. Don't doubt for a second that it isn't on my mind everyday. But right this second it isn't an option. So I will turn my energies to here.

My experiences with loss are heartbreaking and tragic. They are fraught with bad medical experiences, and see my lowest lows. But I am here today, writing this. Two years ago, after my first ectopic, I was a mess. It was months before I asked for help. Months again before I received it. And now, now I am me again.

Not the me that I was a  two years ago, or ten years ago. Those versions of me are all in the past. But I am here. I am standing on my feet. 

All my experiences have made me who I am.

I will never say I regret my losses. They have made me who I am. And if I can help just one woman get through her loss, I will be satisfied. Normalizing the discussion of loss. Bringing awareness.  That's my goal.